Dejan Kulusevski: A letter to Spurs fans

Dejan Kulusevski has written an open letter to Tottenham Hotspur supporters in The Players' Tribune about dealing with setbacks, how he joined the club and the importance of never giving up.

Dejan Kulusevski

"Dear Spurs fans. t’s never been a big deal for me to tell my story. To some people in England, I’m probably still the Swedish guy with the funny name who came over from Italy. 

"But I’ve spent more than two years at this club now, and I have some things that I’d like to share with you. Some crazy stories. Some life lessons. Maybe some stuff that can inspire a kid or two. It’s funny to look back now, because when I came here, I don’t think many people in England expected much of me. 

"To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect of myself either. 

"As a footballer, I was in a bad place. 

"I had barely started a game at Juventus for six months. You feel terrible, because you’ve given your life to play this game, training as hard as you can, and you end up watching players play in your position that are not even wingers.

"Honestly, I felt embarrassed, even worthless. Some people began saying that I wasn’t good enough, that I was too slow. And it affects you, 100%. It’s normal, it’s human. When you begin to believe them, that’s the devil right there. 

"I should have shut out the noise, because the only critic I respect is my older sister, Sandra. And she is brutal. Even when I’m scoring, she’ll be like, “You’ve lost it. You don’t have the hunger. You’re too comfortable.”

"And I want to explode. I’m like, 'YOU DON’T RESPECT ME. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’VE PUT INTO THIS GAME.'

"But Sandra is telling the truth. She has seen me play since I was a kid, and when something is bothering me, she can tell. When I was struggling at Juve, she said, “Deki, when did you become weak?”

"I knew I had to get away.

"One day I asked my agent Ale, 'Can you find me something?'

"He was like, 'Yeah, it’s gonna be hard', because it was January 2022, a few days before the transfer window closed, and we were running out of time. But then he called me back and said that Tottenham were interested.

 "I was like, 'Yes! We’re leaving. When’s the next flight?'

"He said it left in an hour, so I ran to my room and started packing. I was there with my girlfriend, Eldina, and I just started crying. And then she started crying. We had no idea why.

"There were just so many things happening at once. We kissed, cried some more, and I left for the airport. No way was I missing that flight. 

"After a few days at Spurs, I realised how tough this challenge was going to be.

"The Premier League goes 300 times faster than any other league in the world, and in the first training session I didn’t understand anything. Players were flying past me, [Antonio] Conte was shouting and pointing.

"I had joined Spurs on an 18-month loan with an 'option to buy', as they say, so if I was going to get a permanent deal, I had to perform. But my first game was an absolute disaster. 

"You remember it, right? I’ll never forget it. 

"We were leading 2–1 at home to Southampton, and my job was to lock up the win. 

"76th minute: I come on. 

"79th minute: Goal Southampton. 

"82nd minute: Goal Southampton.

"Full-time: Spurs 2–3 Southampton.

"Nice start, Deki. 

"My sister completely killed me. Even my agent was like, 'Hey, come on … it happens.' Just trying to be nice, you know?

"Four days later, I go again. Wolves at home. Got to be three points. I start on the bench, but Conte puts me on after half an hour.

"About an hour later, I have zero goals. I have zero assists. 

"I have one yellow card. 

"Spurs 0–2 Wolves.

"What the f*** is going on?

"My sister calls me, and she just starts to laugh. 

“Hopeless, Deki… Hopeless…"

Why Chelsea game was so special

Back in November, Spurs and Chelsea contested one of the Premier League's most eventful matches ever. After Kulusevski had given his side the lead, Cristian Romero and Destiny Udogie would both be sent off and the Blues would end up winning 4-1.

For Kulusevski, it was the determined attitude of head coach Ange Postecoglou and the support of the fans to keep going until the end, despite the result, that resonated most with his own outlook on life.

"That’s why that Chelsea game back in November was so special. 

"Maybe it’s weird to talk about a game that we lost, especially when we just beat Villa away, but that Chelsea game said so much about what we are trying to do. When it was half-time and 1–1, Ange was very calm. Romero had been sent off, but he didn’t tell us to sit back and defend. He just said, “We know who we are.” 

"Then Destiny got a red card, and things got very difficult. I know that a lot of people thought we were crazy for playing such a high line with nine men. 

"We were naive. We were Spursy. 

"But you know what I remember from that game? 

"I remember the moments near the end when we almost made it 2–2. I remember Vicario saving shots with an energy that was bigger than the entire stadium. I remember that we kept attacking, and not because Ange had told us to, because when Destiny got sent off he had no way of talking to all of us. No, we kept attacking because we felt it was the right thing to do. 

"Ange was proud of that. We never stopped being us. 

"But my favourite moment was after the game. When we had lost 4–1, and we went over to the fans. You didn’t boo us. You didn’t whistle us.  

"You applauded us. 

"You understood what it meant. 

"Yes, we had lost a game. 

"But we won in life."

You can read the full letter here or watch it above.